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The Groom's a Fag;

The Bride's a Cunt;

The Best Man's a Whore;

& The Maiden of Honor

(Just) Hung Herself

in the Closet

a celebration of marriage

presented by ON THE ROCKS

a new play by Haygen-Brice Walker

directed by Elaina Di Monaco

choreography by Kevan Sullivan

The Bride's a Cunt was presented as a part of the 2017 Philadelphia Fringe Festival in the basement of St, Mary's Church in

West Philadelphia

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Daniel is pretty gay, but he’s marrying Nora. Nora is a virgin that wants her wedding night to be a sexual awakening. Shit gets fucked up. A song, a dance, an image, a poem all wrapped in a sloppy burrito of a play about glamping, hookers, the Easter Bunny, cocaine, Emma Stone, hauntings, & the horrors of commitment.

The play is the final play of THE DEAD TEEANGER TRILOGY preceded by SPOOKFISH (Philly Fringe 2015) and BIRDIE'S PIT STOP (and the tribe of queers who fucked everything up) (Philly Fringe 2016).


"A few companies can stage loud late-night comedies filled with wild dancing, shocking sexual moments, and lots of fake blood. Many can mount dramas that probe dark, intense emotional trauma. Very few, however, can combine them in a production that's larger, grander, and deeper than the sum of its parts. These parts add up admirably in Walker's incisively raw script, the ensemble's fearless talents, the designers' daring inventiveness, and director Di Monaco's bold leadership."

Broad Street Review; Mark Cofta


Iman Aaliyah, Sydney Banks, Joe Canuso, Ashton Carter, 

Lily Cumberpatch, Abby Garber, Warren Johns, Jenna Kuerzi, Joshua McLucas, Campbell O'Hare, Bianca Sanchez, Kevan Sullivan, and Carrie Swan


Stage Manager Rose Slavin

Production Design Julia Montante

Costumes Gina Colacci

Lighting Jeremy Cohen

Sound Elaina Di Monaco

"On the Rocks has a voice and knows how to use it. They don’t just flirt with disaster—they throw their arms around the strange and lick its face. Stay up past your bedtime, grab a six pack and give yourself over."

"[Di Monaco and Walker] are distinguished by their fierce intelligence and understanding of theatrical tropes, which they gleefully deconstruct in well-made plays that are simultaneously freewheeling and narratively sound."

Phindie; Cameron Kelsall

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